Many of my friends know that I suffered from anxiety as a child, and still stuffer from anxiety as an adult. In the last 10 or so years I have developed ways to cope with my anxiety that work most of the time.
I really can't pin down exactly what has helped me- I think just growing up has helped- it adds an awareness that helps you to recognize when you're being irrational and the ability to choose one's thoughts and change one's feelings. You realize that it's up to you, you have a responsibility to react differently to the thoughts in your head. I learned that, contrary to what my own mind was telling me, God isn't using my head to tell me something bad is about to happen. God doesn't want you to be a crazy mess. He doesn't try to confuse you and confound you.
1st Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
So now I think very differently than I did as a child.
For example:
10 year old me sees a book cover, it has a picture of a nuclear explosion on it- I start thinking about how a bomb could drop on my house at any minute. I hate that thought... I try to get it out of my head... trying to get it out just makes it pop in there over and over and over and so I decide to make a rule that I will never touch or look at that book again. If I don't do that, then the bombs will not drop.
(This is OCD, by the way. I didn't have a name for it back then, but once I knew it was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, that knowledge helped a lot. I knew I wasn't alone. SIDE NOTE. I know people use the word OCD to describe their quirky obsession with keeping their drawers organized or other neat freak tendencies. This is called Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, and its completely different.)
27 year old me sees something or feels something upsetting and, if I'm not sleep deprived or stressed out, I am able to see feel it without getting upset. I don't worry about getting it out of my head. I just know that if I leave it alone and do nothing, it will eventually go away. If it has to do with avoiding something or someone- I take a deep breath, and I do what I have to do, knowing that avoiding it further only feeds into the crazy.
So how did I get better?
Experience is a great teacher... years of being terrified as a child and then a teenager eventually taught me that being afraid all the time is simply not worth it.
I wish that relief could have come sooner; that I wouldn't have spent so much of my childhood in a state of terror. Now that I have a child of my own, I have been searching for strategies to help anxious children. Because a child of someone with OCD has a 40% chance of inheriting an anxiety disorder.
Next post... some of the tips I've been researching online and in parenting books.
I really can't pin down exactly what has helped me- I think just growing up has helped- it adds an awareness that helps you to recognize when you're being irrational and the ability to choose one's thoughts and change one's feelings. You realize that it's up to you, you have a responsibility to react differently to the thoughts in your head. I learned that, contrary to what my own mind was telling me, God isn't using my head to tell me something bad is about to happen. God doesn't want you to be a crazy mess. He doesn't try to confuse you and confound you.
1st Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
So now I think very differently than I did as a child.
For example:
10 year old me sees a book cover, it has a picture of a nuclear explosion on it- I start thinking about how a bomb could drop on my house at any minute. I hate that thought... I try to get it out of my head... trying to get it out just makes it pop in there over and over and over and so I decide to make a rule that I will never touch or look at that book again. If I don't do that, then the bombs will not drop.
(This is OCD, by the way. I didn't have a name for it back then, but once I knew it was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, that knowledge helped a lot. I knew I wasn't alone. SIDE NOTE. I know people use the word OCD to describe their quirky obsession with keeping their drawers organized or other neat freak tendencies. This is called Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, and its completely different.)
27 year old me sees something or feels something upsetting and, if I'm not sleep deprived or stressed out, I am able to see feel it without getting upset. I don't worry about getting it out of my head. I just know that if I leave it alone and do nothing, it will eventually go away. If it has to do with avoiding something or someone- I take a deep breath, and I do what I have to do, knowing that avoiding it further only feeds into the crazy.
So how did I get better?
Experience is a great teacher... years of being terrified as a child and then a teenager eventually taught me that being afraid all the time is simply not worth it.
I developed obsessive compulsive disorder when I
was in fourth or fifth grade to deal with all the uncontrollable fearful
thoughts in my head. I started telling myself that if I followed certain rules….(washing
hands a certain way, counting things, only taking showers at the same time
every night) then the things I was afraid of wouldn’t happen. I hid it from my mom because, as supportive
and loving as she was, I knew she would make me stop and I didn’t want to. I even knew it was irrational and felt
foolish but it was the only thing I could do to reassure myself. Eventually my sister ratted me out and then I
hid it even more, but did try to stop. I eventually had to confess one night
and my mom was so understanding, she slept next to me the whole night and the next
day, I finally had confirmation of what I already knew- that not following my
OCD rules didn’t cause the world to end, or a nuclear bomb to fall, or anything
I was scared of. That gave me the courage to stop my OCD behaviors once and for
all.
I wish that relief could have come sooner; that I wouldn't have spent so much of my childhood in a state of terror. Now that I have a child of my own, I have been searching for strategies to help anxious children. Because a child of someone with OCD has a 40% chance of inheriting an anxiety disorder.
Next post... some of the tips I've been researching online and in parenting books.